My Aiden

This face I am seriously missing it right now. Aiden my favorite but shush don't tell anyone. Aiden and I have a very special bond. I guess you could say it starting when as an infant I would whisper in his ear and tell him that we were the numbers ones because we have the brown eyes. We also have a super secret club that everyone knows about that only Aiden and and I are the members of. To get in you have to have brown eyes and your name has to start with an A. Others have tried and failed to join our club. But it's just the way we like it the number ones only.

Being so far away from my number one has been hard. I now have my own little one but I still hold my little Aiden as my first number one. I miss his sweet little voice and his hysterical laugh the one that gets the neck vain to pop. I love the way he tells me stories that I can hardly understand but yet they are the best ones I have ever heard. I love the way he gets defiant and wont listen to anyone even me. I love how he has the great need to create stuff. I always try and give into that need. We make homemade play dough and I always buy him all the mess making toys his mom hates which I am sure I am going to get back as soon my little ones is old enough.

With Christmas around the corner I find myself sad and missing my Aiden. We would have gone Christmas shopping for holiday decorations by now. He is the best shopping companion ever. He helps pick out all sorts of crazy things and insist that I get them. I am sure I have some weird holiday decorations I have yet to pull out because my Aiden told me I had to have it. He also love snow globes. He even picked one out for me one year for Christmas. I can't see one without thinking how much Aiden would love it. Last year on our ornament shopping trip to the hobby lobby. Aiden insisted on wearing one gwoub (glove) he lost the other. We tried to convince him it wasn't a good idea but he is defiant and insisted. We came across the snow globes which he of course had to pick up and hold. While wearing only the one glove can you guess what happened yep it fell to the ground because it slipped out of the one gloved hand. Poor little Aiden was is tears. He had broken his favorite thing in the world. It was sad and sweet at the same time. Oh how I miss the him and the way he says gloves!

This time of the year just isn't the same without my Aiden!

Come visit me soon!

Mother's Day

I can't believe that I actually get to celebrate Mother's Day this year with a baby! I am actually a mother. I still pinch myself at times because I still can't believe that it's true.  It's something that I always knew I wanted my whole life. Something that comes easy to some and  is a struggle for others. While it was a struggle for me, I think it has made me appreciate the little miracle now living in my house more. I look at him each day and think how lucky I am. How I was trusted by God enough to be blessed with my baby's sweet soul.  I whisper promises in his ear everyday. Promises that I will always love and believe in his greatness. That I will try to be the best mom that I can. I tell him every day how much I love him.  How much I have changed because of him.  How my life is better now because of him. How he make my belly and stretch marks worth it. I tell him that sharing my body with him was one of the biggest miracles I have ever witnessed.  He completes me. I didn't realize before that something was missing until he was born. I remember the first time I saw him all I could think of was how familiar he looked. How I just knew he was mine. I felt I knew him before and now here he was to make me the one thing I have always wanted to be...a mother. 

6 Weeks

Can you believe it 6 weeks until my due date?? I know I haven't been here for a bit. I have been super busy but I do have a lot to tell. First of all my honey and went on our baby moon in October. I was amazing we flew to Portland and drove down the Oregon Coast to San Fransisco. I will make another post just about our trip. It was amazing. We had so much fun and even plan to take our little on back next summer. Then in November I had my baby shower. I will do a separate post about this too. It was so much fun and I got tons of great things for my baby. I think I am almost ready for him to come. Then the first week of December I got so sick I was in bed for a week! It has been a crazy few months!

I can believe how fast the time has gone by. I keep looking at my belly thinking how can something I longed for for so long really be here? B and I talk about what we are most nervous about for the baby to come. His fears are my delivery worrying that the baby and I will both be safe and healthy. My fears are not the same. I am not even scared or worried about the actual labor and delivery of my baby. I can handle pain and having my legs spread for the world to see. I had to do that getting pregnant. I am more worried about actually bringing the baby home. I keep thinking what if I am not a good mother? Will I know what my baby wants and needs? What if my mothers intuition doesn't kick in?? Can I keep hims safe, healthy, and happy? I am more worried about not knowing what to do or not being good at being a mother than anything. I mean I have wanted this for so long it scares me that I might fail at it.

But for now I am just enjoying the fact that my baby is still inside me. Knowing that while he is still there I can keep him safe. I take comfort in those jabs and kicks. Feeling him makes me so happy thinking of the little one that I am sharing my body with. It is truly an amazing experience.

Enjoying The Moment

I am having a hard time with not enjoying the moment. I am so busy thinking about when my baby is going to come and planning for that. I am not stopping and realizing how amazing it is to pregnant and preparing for the baby. So you all know I am not the enjoy the moment kind of person. I always like to be thinking ahead. I like to be prepared and know what is coming next. I am going as far as planning where my baby's preschool and elementary will be. So in a world where I am already selling Christmas 2010. I made a promise to myself to enjoys the next 4 months.

I had this realization when I came from my last OB appointment. I was thinking oh my gosh at my next appointment I am going to be 6 plus months. That means that I will only have 3 months left. Instead of throwing me into a panic of all the things I need to do to get ready for the baby I found myself thinking I need to enjoy this more. I need look at my belly everyday and think how blessed I am that I even have this opportunity to be pregnant for this maybe my only chance! I need relish every single moment I have with just me and my honey before our little one comes. I just need to enjoy this time in my life more!

So here are the things that I have been enjoying now that I am slowing down:

My baby's kicks. I love to feel him jab at me from the inside. I can't tell you how amazing it is to feel him. It is making this whole experience real for me.

Each night before I take a bath I love to look at my naked belly in the mirror. It makes me so happy to rub my hands over my tummy and just think wow I really have a baby in there.

Orange juice has become my new favorite drink in the morning. I start each day with the news and and a glass of juice. Before I was pregnant I never drank anything with calories in it. So this is my little indulgence.

Talking to my baby bump on the way into work. My little guys love to kick me on my way to work. I don't know if it is cosmo radio that he likes or just the drive but he kicks me the whole way to work while I ask him questions. Like what are you doing in there?? Why don't you move to another spot now? ? What should we eat for lunch today??

My honey rubbing my tummy before he falls asleep each night. We always kiss goodnight but lately he reaches over to give my tummy a rub before we fall asleep. I love it. I makes me think he is saying goodnight to our little one.

Hearing take care of our baby from my honey every morning before he leaves for work. He kisses me goodbye and tells me to take care of our baby. I feel so blessed to be carrying our baby!

Shopping for our baby. I tell my husband all I want to do is buy things for our baby! Every weekend when I go out I like to pick up a least one little item for him. Socks, onesies, I have even bought binkys!

Picking out things for our nursery. I love going to the stores and deciding what will be in our baby's room. Each month we buy one big item for our nursery. Last month we bought a crib. This month we are buying the changing table/dresser! I can't wait to see it all put together.

There are so many more thing to my list but these are few of my favorites. I can't wait for my baby to come but I am going to try and enjoy each day that I have just being pregnant.

Ultrasound

Today I had my official ultrasound with a high risk Dr. at the hospital I will be delivering at. I was nervous. I just wanted to make sure my baby was healthy and wasn't missing any limbs or anything. We got taken back and the ultrasound began. I looked up on the screen and I couldn't even make out a baby. I had to ask the Dr. what I was looking at because she wasn't the best as explaining. To my relief we were just looking at the placenta and my uterus. After that the fun part began and we looked at all the parts of our little boy. His head, face, legs, spine, arms, hands, feet, stomach, and heart. The Dr. told me I had a perfect little boy growing inside me and I was so happy. It is amazing to see him moving all around flipping up and down. He is quite the active boy already. My favorite part was to see him with his arms above his head. My husband loves to sleep that way. I think my baby is going to be just like his dad because my whole pregnancy so far I have been craving anything tomato based (which I normally hate) and salt. Two of my husbands favorites!

I still can't believe that I am actually having a baby. Even with my belly growing I just can't seem to wrap my head around the fact I am going to be a Mom. It is truly a miracle to me. I find myself thinking of my little boy and wonder if he was just waiting for me to be ready for him. I think of the pain and struggle to actually get pregnant and wonder if he was watching, waiting, and whispering to me that it will soon happen and to just hold on and believe. I don't' know what it is with this little boy I am carrying but he brings me the most sense of calm I have ever experienced. I find myself happy and calm through all the crazy things around me. I just feel that everything will be okay. It is just our time to bring a baby into our home. Maybe we just weren't ready before. I have to say even though we have had many struggles since I have become pregnant. Before things just fell into place with everything in our lives that I just knew it was time. It would work out. Maybe it was our baby watching out and waiting for the right time. Knowing when the perfect to come to us would be. I must say I feel truly blessed to be pregnant and just know that our little boy is going to bring us so much love and happiness that we never knew before. I can't wait for the nights when I am awake with him nursing staring down and him and still not believing it is true. I just know I will have this same sense of calm.

Pictures of my Baby Boy!!!

16 weeks! You can see his whole body!! It's a Boy!!! This is a profile picture of my monkey!

Guess What???

On Monday I decided that we could go on Friday, for our sixth anniversary to the mall to the fetal ultrasound place to see what our baby was going to be.  So all week long I have been telling my husband how many more sleeps until the big day.  I could hardly wait.  I even tried to get him to take me on Wednesday but he held to our Friday commitment telling me our baby needed to grow for two more days. 

So today at work I looked up the place, called and made an appointment for 5:45. I was so anxious all day. I just wanted it to be five so I could go and find out. However, as it closer to the time I was getting more nervous. I don't know why.  I think I was worried that maybe my baby wouldn't be healthy or big enough.  I was just so nervous I was shaking on my way in. 

Well once we got there I calmed down a little the nice Dr. took us back into the room and dropped the goop on my belly. The ultrasound began.  It was amazing we could see its spine so clearly. The Dr showed us some great profile pics, feet, arms, legs, and head. He measured everything the make sure our baby was healthy.  He even showed us the stomach and bladder. We saw the placenta and even saw my little bug kicking me like crazy! The best part was when our sweet little baby actually stretched out all big!  Its spine, head, and neck all straighted out and our sweet baby had a big stretch!    It was super cute! 

But now you probably would like to know what we are having.... well if you believe old wives tales:

I have been having lots of headaches

I haven't too been sick

I have been craving lots of salty foods

Sweets make me sick 

All these things point t0.............

A Boy ! 

Yep we are having a precious baby boy! My nephews are so excited to have another boy in the boys club.  After we had the ultrasound we went out to dinner and then over to my sisters house to show our two nephews the pictures of our baby's wink.  They giggled with delight when the saw them. When we asked them what we should name him.  The littlest one immediately said Frazzle.  Why I don't know.  But I guess to a four year old that is a pretty cool name.  

We are really excited and can't wait to start buying and getting the nursery all ready! 

I will post the pictures when I can get them scanned they are pretty awesome and no doubt that it is a boy!