Complaining Parents

I don't know if it's spring fever or that fact that we keep getting snow but all I have heard from people lately are complaints about their kids. It makes me so upset!!! Do you know how lucky you are to have a child or children to complain about???? Do you know how I lay awake at night longing to be woken up by the sound of a crying baby?? Do you know how much it would make me smile to see crayon all over my perfect walls?? Do you know how bad I want to Windex off little finger prints from my windows?? So why all you parents out there complain about each crazy thing your child does..... Remember me the one that aches to have those tasks that you all get to do each and every day. Remember how lucky you are to have a child to hold in your arms. Remember when your child acts up and is complaining about what to wear, what to eat, and when they have to go to bed that I would trade you places in a heart beat.

Know that your children are blessings from God and that you are the blessed ones to have them in your life. Because I know you wouldn't want to trade all those little annoyances for my empty arms. So enjoy each day. Enjoy each mess. Enjoy those beautiful children that I so desperately want.

Starting Over

Well today at my ultrasound appointment they discovered that my cyst on my left ovary has gotten much bigger....it as big as a good sized apple. I also now have a cyst on my right ovary. So we can't start my cycle. They are worried that because my left cyst is so big it might flip and cut of bloods supply to my ovary which would make it die. That would be one more strike against getting pregnant. Lovely! So I am going back on birth control in the hopes it will shrink my cysts. If not I will have to have surgery to drain them. Fun Fun. This means I have to start all over. I go back on the 23th for another ultrasound to see how I am responding to the birth control. If they shrink I will be able to start my cycle all over again. For now it will delayed at least a month!

How do I feel about this....I guess deep down I knew that my cyst was still there. I didn't think I would have two giant ones. But what can you do??? As we were leaving the clinic I was complaining to my honey that I had it all planned. I wrote it down!!! He told me that he knows I like to have time frames and plans. But think of this as just one more step in the right direction and that will make sure I am perfect for my new cycle. I guess he is right. I don't want to go into a new cycle with any problems. However, I am a little disappointed and feel like a defect once again!

For now though I am going to have faith the what is suppose to happen will happen.

Hopefully what is suppose to happen will bring me a baby!

Update

I had my ultrasound on Monday and I have a couple of problems....but when haven't I had problems??  The first one is I have a HUGE cyst on my left ovary. It is completely squishing my left ovary you couldn't even see it on the screen.  Crazy! I am not too worried about this or shocked. The night before I told my honey that I know I have cyst I can feel it! Plus my first IVF cycle I had one on my right side.  So nothing new or scary.  My second problem is that I have a mature egg in my right ovary.  Lets just say my ovaries are struggling! It measured a size 14 ready to harvest! 

They are more concerned about this egg seeing how I have been on Lupron for a week.  This is not suppose to be happening.  So the plan is to stay on Lupron for another week and have another ultrasound on Monday.  Hopefully my cyst will be gone and the egg will be shrinking with the Lupron.  If this is the case I will start my egg simulating meds on Monday as scheduled.  If not they will just have to hold off and see what happens.  Either way I am not worried or freaked out. 

I am surprised that I am not stressing out about this. My old self would panic and be distraught over the results of my ultrasound. But I have been through this all before and am ready for whatever happens. I think what needs to happen will and I will be okay. I just want everything to perfect for my cycle and my Dr. won't let me start unless it is. That makes me feel good! 

Hoping I have good new Monday! 

Lupron Shots!

I started my Lupron shots this week.  They aren't so bad.  Just one little shot in my tummy every night.  I make my honey do it cause I just can't!  Thanks goodness he isn't a wimp!   What Lupron does it put you into a mini menopause. They want to make sure my ovaries are nice and quiet before they give me the hormones to produce eggs.  The really fun side affect of Lupron....yep you guessed it more headaches!  

Other than the headaches I am doing well. I have my good and bad days.  I go from being excited to extremely terrified.  I just hope it works out this time.  I just don't know how to deal if I have another miscarriage. 

Hormones,Headaches, & Progesterone

I am almost two weeks into my birth control and I am dying. The hormone change has been giving me intense migraines. I am having at least 2-3 a week. I finally broke down and called the clinic to complain. Also to discuss when exactly I have to give up all my migraine medicine and diet coke! Two things I never leave home without! I actually got some good news.  They are going to let me stay on my migraine medicine up until my transfer. I however am going to start to wean myself off it and diet coke at the the same time.  They are also going to switch my birth control to a progesterone based one instead of a estrogen based one.  Thanks heavens!!! Progesterone is so much better!! So hopefully my migraines will start to get better with the change.  

Migraines and Test Results

I heard back from the fertility clinic today about my 12 vials of blood.  And surprise surprise there is nothing wrong.  When I got the news I must admit I didn't feel any sense of relief. I actually was upset. I don't know if it was because I had yet another migraine today or if there is nothing wrong with me than maybe this round of IVF won't work either.  Maybe the problem is just me. No strange disease. No crazy genetic thing.  Maybe it is just like my migraines I have them and no on can tell me why. Every test comes out normal.  There are no answers.  

So today was an emotional day of just wishing someone could find something wrong with me. 

At least I would have an answer. 

Round Three Here We Go!

After a lot of soul searching and finally making up my mind I have officially started my 3 IVF cycle!  Can you all believe it??? Did you ever think it would happen?? 

Well I did call the Dr. and he had 12 yes 12 vials of my blood drawn and I am just waiting for the results to come back. I am trying to be fearless and not think about what they are looking for! However, I must admit that I am really excited and do feel at peace with my decision to try again.  Right now I am just on the birth control...for all you that don't know about IVF cycles they have you go on birth control for at least 3 weeks before you start the  egg stimulation meds.  They want to be able to completely control your ovaries! Fun fun fun!  

So far the birth control is making my headaches worse! And it's making me a little more emotional. But what can you do??

Today I talked to my nurse and got my IVF calendar!  So I will keep you all posted of my appointments,  test results and so on!  

Stay Tuned!