Mother's Day

My husband and I went our last night for dinner.  We had a really good time and even decided to order desert.  When the waiter came over to ask if we wanted dessert he said the all mothers got free dessert.  I had to tell him that I was not a mother.  Just saying those words made me tear up. You can know something but unless you have to say the truth for others to hear you can live in denial. The poor waiter must have realized he hit a nerve and assured me I would get  free dessert as well.  I just sat there thinking to myself how I was suppose to be well on my way to being a mother by now.  How horrible it felt to say those words out loud. How no one on the planet understand the pain unless they have been there themselves. I ended up eating my charity dessert and holding back tears the whole time. The waiter told me as he brought us the check that I would be a mother soon enough as if her could sense my desire to be a mother.  I thought that the worst was over until....

Sunday my hubby and I go to brunch on most Sundays so this morning we got up and went to our favorite spot.  I had gotten over last nights melt down and was feeling okay to be in public even on the holiday that is dedicated for just mothers.  So we sat down and I just started to look around at all the happy families and began to tear up. When am I going to get my happy family? When will I be able to look at a family and not be jealous of them? Why do I have to go through this? All those happy families there celebrating their moms. Sitting there I just wanted to scream and cry at the same time. Sometimes I am just so sad and then others I am just so angry. I don't know which it worse. But what I do know for sure that this grieving thing comes in cycles and I never know when it's going to hit.  So here's to Mothers and wanna be 

Mothers crying in restaurants!