6 Weeks

Can you believe it 6 weeks until my due date?? I know I haven't been here for a bit. I have been super busy but I do have a lot to tell. First of all my honey and went on our baby moon in October. I was amazing we flew to Portland and drove down the Oregon Coast to San Fransisco. I will make another post just about our trip. It was amazing. We had so much fun and even plan to take our little on back next summer. Then in November I had my baby shower. I will do a separate post about this too. It was so much fun and I got tons of great things for my baby. I think I am almost ready for him to come. Then the first week of December I got so sick I was in bed for a week! It has been a crazy few months!

I can believe how fast the time has gone by. I keep looking at my belly thinking how can something I longed for for so long really be here? B and I talk about what we are most nervous about for the baby to come. His fears are my delivery worrying that the baby and I will both be safe and healthy. My fears are not the same. I am not even scared or worried about the actual labor and delivery of my baby. I can handle pain and having my legs spread for the world to see. I had to do that getting pregnant. I am more worried about actually bringing the baby home. I keep thinking what if I am not a good mother? Will I know what my baby wants and needs? What if my mothers intuition doesn't kick in?? Can I keep hims safe, healthy, and happy? I am more worried about not knowing what to do or not being good at being a mother than anything. I mean I have wanted this for so long it scares me that I might fail at it.

But for now I am just enjoying the fact that my baby is still inside me. Knowing that while he is still there I can keep him safe. I take comfort in those jabs and kicks. Feeling him makes me so happy thinking of the little one that I am sharing my body with. It is truly an amazing experience.

Enjoying The Moment

I am having a hard time with not enjoying the moment. I am so busy thinking about when my baby is going to come and planning for that. I am not stopping and realizing how amazing it is to pregnant and preparing for the baby. So you all know I am not the enjoy the moment kind of person. I always like to be thinking ahead. I like to be prepared and know what is coming next. I am going as far as planning where my baby's preschool and elementary will be. So in a world where I am already selling Christmas 2010. I made a promise to myself to enjoys the next 4 months.

I had this realization when I came from my last OB appointment. I was thinking oh my gosh at my next appointment I am going to be 6 plus months. That means that I will only have 3 months left. Instead of throwing me into a panic of all the things I need to do to get ready for the baby I found myself thinking I need to enjoy this more. I need look at my belly everyday and think how blessed I am that I even have this opportunity to be pregnant for this maybe my only chance! I need relish every single moment I have with just me and my honey before our little one comes. I just need to enjoy this time in my life more!

So here are the things that I have been enjoying now that I am slowing down:

My baby's kicks. I love to feel him jab at me from the inside. I can't tell you how amazing it is to feel him. It is making this whole experience real for me.

Each night before I take a bath I love to look at my naked belly in the mirror. It makes me so happy to rub my hands over my tummy and just think wow I really have a baby in there.

Orange juice has become my new favorite drink in the morning. I start each day with the news and and a glass of juice. Before I was pregnant I never drank anything with calories in it. So this is my little indulgence.

Talking to my baby bump on the way into work. My little guys love to kick me on my way to work. I don't know if it is cosmo radio that he likes or just the drive but he kicks me the whole way to work while I ask him questions. Like what are you doing in there?? Why don't you move to another spot now? ? What should we eat for lunch today??

My honey rubbing my tummy before he falls asleep each night. We always kiss goodnight but lately he reaches over to give my tummy a rub before we fall asleep. I love it. I makes me think he is saying goodnight to our little one.

Hearing take care of our baby from my honey every morning before he leaves for work. He kisses me goodbye and tells me to take care of our baby. I feel so blessed to be carrying our baby!

Shopping for our baby. I tell my husband all I want to do is buy things for our baby! Every weekend when I go out I like to pick up a least one little item for him. Socks, onesies, I have even bought binkys!

Picking out things for our nursery. I love going to the stores and deciding what will be in our baby's room. Each month we buy one big item for our nursery. Last month we bought a crib. This month we are buying the changing table/dresser! I can't wait to see it all put together.

There are so many more thing to my list but these are few of my favorites. I can't wait for my baby to come but I am going to try and enjoy each day that I have just being pregnant.

Ultrasound

Today I had my official ultrasound with a high risk Dr. at the hospital I will be delivering at. I was nervous. I just wanted to make sure my baby was healthy and wasn't missing any limbs or anything. We got taken back and the ultrasound began. I looked up on the screen and I couldn't even make out a baby. I had to ask the Dr. what I was looking at because she wasn't the best as explaining. To my relief we were just looking at the placenta and my uterus. After that the fun part began and we looked at all the parts of our little boy. His head, face, legs, spine, arms, hands, feet, stomach, and heart. The Dr. told me I had a perfect little boy growing inside me and I was so happy. It is amazing to see him moving all around flipping up and down. He is quite the active boy already. My favorite part was to see him with his arms above his head. My husband loves to sleep that way. I think my baby is going to be just like his dad because my whole pregnancy so far I have been craving anything tomato based (which I normally hate) and salt. Two of my husbands favorites!

I still can't believe that I am actually having a baby. Even with my belly growing I just can't seem to wrap my head around the fact I am going to be a Mom. It is truly a miracle to me. I find myself thinking of my little boy and wonder if he was just waiting for me to be ready for him. I think of the pain and struggle to actually get pregnant and wonder if he was watching, waiting, and whispering to me that it will soon happen and to just hold on and believe. I don't' know what it is with this little boy I am carrying but he brings me the most sense of calm I have ever experienced. I find myself happy and calm through all the crazy things around me. I just feel that everything will be okay. It is just our time to bring a baby into our home. Maybe we just weren't ready before. I have to say even though we have had many struggles since I have become pregnant. Before things just fell into place with everything in our lives that I just knew it was time. It would work out. Maybe it was our baby watching out and waiting for the right time. Knowing when the perfect to come to us would be. I must say I feel truly blessed to be pregnant and just know that our little boy is going to bring us so much love and happiness that we never knew before. I can't wait for the nights when I am awake with him nursing staring down and him and still not believing it is true. I just know I will have this same sense of calm.

Pictures of my Baby Boy!!!

16 weeks! You can see his whole body!! It's a Boy!!! This is a profile picture of my monkey!

Guess What???

On Monday I decided that we could go on Friday, for our sixth anniversary to the mall to the fetal ultrasound place to see what our baby was going to be.  So all week long I have been telling my husband how many more sleeps until the big day.  I could hardly wait.  I even tried to get him to take me on Wednesday but he held to our Friday commitment telling me our baby needed to grow for two more days. 

So today at work I looked up the place, called and made an appointment for 5:45. I was so anxious all day. I just wanted it to be five so I could go and find out. However, as it closer to the time I was getting more nervous. I don't know why.  I think I was worried that maybe my baby wouldn't be healthy or big enough.  I was just so nervous I was shaking on my way in. 

Well once we got there I calmed down a little the nice Dr. took us back into the room and dropped the goop on my belly. The ultrasound began.  It was amazing we could see its spine so clearly. The Dr showed us some great profile pics, feet, arms, legs, and head. He measured everything the make sure our baby was healthy.  He even showed us the stomach and bladder. We saw the placenta and even saw my little bug kicking me like crazy! The best part was when our sweet little baby actually stretched out all big!  Its spine, head, and neck all straighted out and our sweet baby had a big stretch!    It was super cute! 

But now you probably would like to know what we are having.... well if you believe old wives tales:

I have been having lots of headaches

I haven't too been sick

I have been craving lots of salty foods

Sweets make me sick 

All these things point t0.............

A Boy ! 

Yep we are having a precious baby boy! My nephews are so excited to have another boy in the boys club.  After we had the ultrasound we went out to dinner and then over to my sisters house to show our two nephews the pictures of our baby's wink.  They giggled with delight when the saw them. When we asked them what we should name him.  The littlest one immediately said Frazzle.  Why I don't know.  But I guess to a four year old that is a pretty cool name.  

We are really excited and can't wait to start buying and getting the nursery all ready! 

I will post the pictures when I can get them scanned they are pretty awesome and no doubt that it is a boy! 

Again I have been a major slacker and not posted. I am however doing much better. I am still getting headaches but I am feeling so much better about my pregnancy. I no longer think I am going to loose my baby and any given second. I am actually starting to believe I might make it to January just fine. I am starting to enjoy being pregnant and not worrying so much.

I had my second prenatal appointment last week. I love going to them even if all I do is pee in cup. I am enjoying every second of doing all the things that pregnant people do. I am actually going to get my ultrasound next month. I can't wait to find out what my baby is going to be. I am hoping for a girl but will be happy with a boy as well. My nephews want a boy because they think our family has too many girls. My sisters of course what a girl. I think I might go to the mall in a few weeks to see if they can tell on the 3D ultrasounds. So I will let you all know the second I found out!

As for my changing body it is weird. I seem to be getting all the ugly side affects of being pregnant. I won't go into details because they are ugly! I am starting to show but not the oh she is cute and pregnant just the has she gained weight or is she pregnant stage. Not cute! But I can't wait for my belly to get bigger so I can actually look pregnant. One of my nephews said to me the other day at dinner whoa your belly is huge. Not quite yet but thanks for making me feel chubbo!

Sorry for the rambling just thought it was time to update!

Keep your fingers crossed for a girl!

Headaches, Headaches, and more Headaches

Sorry I haven't posted in a bit! I have just not been feeling well lately.  I have been suffering from major headaches. I go to bed with them. I wake up with them.  I have had a headache for 3 days so far. I That doesn't even count the the one I had earlier this week that made me throw up all night long.  I just lay in bed and hold my head until I can fall asleep. So lesson learned??  Don't believe it when people say pregnancy makes your headaches stop! 

Bleeding

I spent yesterday evening in the ER.  I awoke from a nap yesterday and noticed I was bleeding. Not light spotting seriously bleeding. I started panic.  I grabbed my husband and ran to the ER. When they checked my vitals my heartbeat was over 100 bpm.  I was so terrified that after all this I was losing my baby.  

It took forever to be seen.  However,  as we sat in the room my honey keep trying to keep me clam.  I was just sitting on the bed ready to cry when all the sudden I had the most peaceful feeling. The same peaceful feeling I have had this whole cycle.  I began to relax while my husband continued to freak out. Finally the Dr. came in and ask about my history and pregnancy.  When he realized that I had conceived through IVF and saw how scared we were he said he would call in an ultrasound. He also said he would  also go grab a smaller ultrasound machine so we could see if my baby had a heartbeat.  He couldn't  have been a nicer Dr.  He left and we continued to wait finally I see him coming down the hall with the ultrasound machine. He put the goop on my belly and and showed us our little baby with a heartbeat and it was moving all around.  Now we just had to wait for the real ultrasound technician to perform a more technical ultrasound.  I am so glad the Dr. gave us a quick ultrasound because it took another 2 hours to finally get my ultrasound.  It calmed us down a bit but we were still anxious. 

Finally the technician came and got me.  They wouldn't let my honey go.  Which upset us both. She took me back to the room and asked me a bunch of questions again. Finally she proceeded with the ultrasound.  My baby had a heartbeat of 175 bpm.  It was moving all around and it even waved at me.  She then proceeded to check my uterus, ovaries, she then looked for the placenta and the other sac which she couldn't really tell it if was there or not.  She thinks my body has absorbed it.  I don't know.  She told me every thing looked good.  Then wheeled me back to my room and said it would take about 30 mins for the results. 

Again we waited this time for an hour.  Finally the Dr. came in with the official diagnosis of small crescentic fluid suggested surrounding the gestational sac which may present subchorionic hemorrhage.  Whatever that means.  The ultrasound tech told me she thinks the placenta hasn't fully attached because I am still so early in my pregnancy and it is still forming. She said I should be okay within another week.   They also told me that I should be on bed rest again until I stop bleeding and to follow up with my Dr. in a week. 

So here I am again in bed. Still worrying if I am going to be able to carry my precious miracle to full term.  I find my self constantly saying the same prayer over and over again. Just hoping that my chance of becoming a mother doesn't slip away. 

Finally an Update

I had my Ultrasound on June 5th. The first picture is of my baby's perfect little heartbeat! 125 bpm! The second show my little baby and then another little sack that split! But there wasn't anything in them. I must say I so happy and excited and little relieved that it is not triplets! However, at this point I will take what I can get and be grateful.

I also had my first prenatal appointment. I was so excited to finally be seeing a doctor because I am pregnant and not because I am trying to get that way! I got to again see my little baby and it is so much bigger and moving all around inside. It was the cutest thing I have ever seen!

I have to say that I am completely overwhelmed with joy and happiness that I am finally going to be a mom! I carry my little pictures around with me and look at them all the time. When I am at a red light or just want to be able to connect with my little bug growing inside.

As far as pregnancy symptoms go I have been very lucky. I do not get sick in the morning thank heavens! I usually get sick at night and soda crackers usually cure my yuckiness. I have however, been getting lots of headaches. This sucks because I can only take Tylenol. So basically I just suffer until I can get to sleep. Other than that I am doing and feeling great just tired a lot. I usually take a nap after work everyday.

I do have some other good news too! I am officially 10 weeks today and tonight it is my last shot of progesterone! Yeah I can't believe it. I have been counting down for weeks. I don't know what we are going to do every night at 9pm. without a shot. It will be freedom to not have to be tied down to a shot for the first time in months!

I promise to keep my blog updated more. So keep checking back!

Things I Miss

Because I have to do IVF to get pregnant I am pretty strict with what I eat and do.  Just to be on the safe side.  But there are a few things that I really miss. 

Sushi- Oh how I miss eating my favorite food.  Nothing can replace sushi! I am craving it big time!

Diet Coke- I think I miss you most of all.  No more caffeine for me.  No more McDonald's coke runs!

Eggs Benedict- I read in my baby book that runny eggs could possibly have bacteria in them so I now eat my egg scrambled.  Today at breakfast when I was eyeing my honey's eggs benedict he said we are just taking every possible precaution.  Yep!

Chocolate- I don't really eat a lot of chocolate but try to find an ice cream that is good without chocolate in it! Super hard! I don't eat chocolate because of caffeine!  I am hard core anything that could cause a miscarriage it out! 

Cleaning- OK I miss this most of all.  I am not allowed to do anything too active and I miss cleaning, dusting, scrubbing, mopping, all things that I wish I could do! 

Hot baths-I love to take long hot as I can stand baths. Now I just take luke warm baths.  Let me tell you I don't stay in that long.  

Even though there is a list of things that I miss. Believe me it is all going to be worth to have a baby! 

Good News

Well I had my pregnancy test on Monday! I went to clinic early and had my blood drawn.  Then I just had to wait and wait.  Finally the call came.  I was so nervous I got all hot and sweaty when I answered the phone.  But good news came. the nurse told me that I am pregnant!  My HCG level was over 1000. They told me that because it was so high there is a possibility of multiples! Can you believe it?? I won't know for sure until my ultra sound  on June 5th.  But I am keeping my fingers crossed! 

Bed Rest

I saw the Dr. on Monday because I have been having major cramps ever since I had my transfer. They took my blood pressure, my temperate, and weighed me. Then they did 2 ultrasounds, one vaginal and one on my tummy.  The verdict....my ovaries are filled with fluid. That is why I haven't slept through the night and I am doubled over in pain all the time.  The Dr. said that typically this happens to pregnant women.  So it could be a good sign.  However, if I am pregnant it is only going to get worse at least for the first 2 months.  Ugh.

So here is what I have to do to help with the pain:

Bed rest for another week in a reclining position

I have to measure my input meaning how much I drink. They told me I have to drink 64oz of powerade/gatorade a day! 

I have to measure my output meaning how much a pee! I have this little white thing I have to put on the seat of my toilet to pee in.  Let me tell you how much I hate this.  

I have to weigh myself every morning. 

And I have to measure my tummy...or as they call it abdominal girth.  How ugly is that???

I have to call the clinic everyday with the previous days results! 

I haven't been feeling well at all. My cramps come and go through out the day and night and worsen as the day goes on. I am so tired from the lack of sleeping through the night. I find myself taking 2 mini naps a day.  I will be watching TV and then next thing I know I am out cold.  I am however, not freaking out at all. I am super surprised by this.  I am just calm and hopeful.  This cycle has been nothing like the previous two. So we will just have to see what happens next! 

10 Reasons Why I Love my Mom

My mom has been so sick for the past week. She was even admitted into the hospital and just got out today. So since I have been on bed rest and my mom has been sick we haven't seen each other in forever! I miss you mom and wish I could be with you!

10 reasons why I love you:

1- Even though I have caller id when I answer my phone she says, Junnie banunie its yours mama. 

2- She made my little sisters visit me first before seeing her in the hospital just in case they could pass it on to me. 

3-Even though I have a husband that can take care of me, whenever I have a migraine I have to call my mom and cry to her. She can always make me feel better. 

4- One day when I was particularly sad about not having a baby.  She came down to my office and said what would you say if I could get you twin baby girls in a month.  She had so much determination in her eyes I knew she could do it if I wanted. There is nothing she won't do for her children in pain.

5-She purrs on us when she gives us hugs.  When she is gone too long I miss those purrs. 

6- She says you make fun of me but just wait you will be just like me.  I know mom I will.  If I end up having babies they won't cross the street and I might look into plastic bubbles for them to live in. 

7- We share the same birthday and we always celebrate by buying new lipsticks together.  It's the best! There is nothing better than a new lipstick. 

8-When I had my first miscarriage  she came rushing over to my house and held me while I cried and cried. I didn't think I would ever be happy again but she told me I could get through it.  She was right. 

9-I love that when she has to make business decisions or major life decisions. She goes with her gut and never looks back.  It's something I aspire to do. 

10-My mom has worked hard her whole life so her children would never go with out.  She has sacrificed herself for her kids. Mom don't think that I haven't noticed. I truly appreciate it!

Mom I love you so much and thank God every night that he sent me to you! I wish I could be with you while you are sick.  You always make it better when I am. Happy Mother's Day! 

Transfer Update

I had my transfer today! I woke up this morning so happy and excited.  I got all ready, I curled my hair and wore a cute outfit. I just wanted to look nice on the day my embryos would be transferred into me.  I has so happy on the drive up. I just keep looking at my honey and smiling.  We got breakfast on the way up so I could take my last antibiotic. 

When we got there I had to wait a little. When they brought me back the nurse told me it had been a crazy day.  First we went into a private room so our Dr. could give us the picture of the 2 embryos we would transfer. We went over the consent forms and signed them. Now we were ready for the transfer. A nurse took me back to the transfer room and had to undress from the waist down. The usually drill at the clinic.  I got into the all to familiar giant chair. 

I must say that I wasn't nervous at all. I was just so happy to be finally here.  The transfer.  The Dr. came in and gave me 2 Valium.  They give this not because the procedure will hurt or is scary they just want you to stay down and rest.  

Finally we were ready for the transfer. I had to get my feet back into those lovely stirrups again. The nurse made the chair go back and my legs were once again wide open for the world to see.  However, this time I didn't feel so weird. I was to just too excited for my little embryos to be inside me.  

The embryologist came into the room and had me verify my name and date of birth.  The Dr. then prepared me and put the catheter in. This catheter is a long softish tube that the use to help guide the thing that the embryos are in for the transfer.  The embryologist then put the embryos with my name and of birthdate up on the screen and zoomed in so we could see them. They looked exactly like the picture. He then sucked them up and brought them in to the room in this long shot needle looking thing.  I just held Bs hand as the Dr. transferred my little ones inside me.  I was happy.  The embryologist then checked to make sure they were all out of the tube and then we were done.  The moved the chair back in to a reclining position and I had to wait 30 mins before I could leave. 

From that moment on I thought I would be at peace.  But I must say all that I felt from there was terror. I was now scared of what if they fall out.  Completely impossible but you know. Scared that I they might not attach.  Just plain terrified that it won't work out.  

When I got home I took a long nap.  When I woke up I was still scared that any movement would keep them from implanting.  Hopefully the fear will go away soon! 

Transfer

I got another call from the clinic today! I have my transfer tomorrow at 10am. When we arrive they will give me pictures of the two best embryos that they will transfer.   I am having a 5 day transfer.  My embryos have reached the blastocysts stage. The have the best change of getting me pregnant.  All 7 of my embryos are still growing great. I hope I get to freeze a few!   I am so excited. I feel so good about things. I am hoping and pray this time will stick! 

This is what happens during the Transfer:

Once the eggs are fertilized, the resultant embryos are transferred to the incubator and allowed to develop until ready for transfer, which is usually from 3 to 5 days. In younger women 5-day embryos (blastocysts) are used because they have a greater probability of survival and fewer need be transferred so as to decrease the risk of multiple pregnancies.

The couple returns to the clinic on the day of transfer and the embryos are transferred to the uterus using a small catheter in a painless procedure which only takes a few minutes and an hour of rest after the transfer in the clinic.  

The transfer is no worse than a pap! Now all I have to do is deal with the bed rest! 

I will let you know how it goes tomorrow. 

Call From the Clinic

Today I got the call from the embryologist he told me that I have 7 eggs that fertilized and are growing great! He also told me that my transfer would be on Wednesday. I can't wait I am so excited. They are going to call me on Tuesday with an update on my eggs and also with the time of my transfer. I can't believe we are almost there. I have felt like this day would never come! 

I have also started my antibiotic and progesterone shots! The antibiotic is to make sure that I don't get an infection from the surgery. The progesterone is in oil and a big needle in my bum! Ouch!  I stared them on Friday and the when B gave it to me he hit a vain and I bleed forever! But he has gotten much better the past few days! I am so lucky to have him help through this whole deal. He is a trooper and just does what has to be done to help us get a baby. 

Egg Retrival

I had my Egg Retrieval on Friday.  I didn't sleep very well the night before. I keep waking up every hour I was afraid that I would be late.  Well we ended up getting there on time and they took me right back. Even though I had done this twice before I was so nervous. I don't know why!  

I had to undress and put on one of those lovely gowns with and open back! They started my IV and of course after 10 plus hours of no food it they couldn't find a vain. I think that ended up being the worse part getting my IV. After I had my IV I just had to wait. My Dr. had a procedure before me and it was running late.  That might have been the worst part. Waiting.  It just made me more nervous.  

Finally they took me back to the retrieval room.  Now the fun part begins!! The Dr. came in and gave me the run down of what was to happen. B and I signed the consent forms and we were ready to start.   The nurse starts to tilt my chair back and made me put my legs in the stirrups! Now let me tell you this is not like going to the gyno! My legs were up there!  My whole business there for the world to see! Okay I think that is actually the worst part.  I keep my knees closed and nurse keep telling me to spread them.  I keep cracking joke about how much fun I was having. She then said she would give me the drugs to make me not care about my legs being spread for the world to see. The last thing I really remember was holding my honey's hand and him asking me if I could feel it yet. I said No and she injected me with something else. All I can remember from there was the Dr. preparing me for the surgery. I also vaguely remember tell the nurse that if would feel good to go sleep. I think that was probably when they helped me back to my room.  Which I can't remember at all! 

Then next thing I remember is hearing my other Dr. in the hall. He is super loud and a little crazy. But an amazing Dr.  His loud voice is what woke me up. I looked around a bit. I was all snuggled up in a recliner and before I knew my honey was back in  my room. He told me I did a good job. I always ask if I said anything crazy cause that is what I do. He told me I didn't.  Next the nurse came in next to check my vitals and give me some juice and crackers.  Grape juice! It tasted to delicious after 12 plus hours of no liquid. I drank two! I finally remembered to ask about my eggs! Now for the best part! I had 18 eggs!! The nurse told me that is double the normal average! I was so happy I couldn't believe it!  It was all worth it!  They checked me out after I was able to keep down my juice and crackers for at least a half and hour.  I got wheel chair service to my car.  

On the way home I was starving.  So B took me to my favorite hamburger joint. Hires Big H! So yummy!  After lunch I went home and slept for 3 hours.  I now just have to wait to hear how my eggs fertilized. 

HCG Shot

Last night I took my HCG Shot to get me ready for my egg retrieval! After the HCG shot you have to wait 48 hours for the egg retrieval. Mine is scheduled for tomorrow at 8:30am. No food or drink after midnight tonight! I am a little nervous for it but I am mostly excited.

This is what happens during an Egg Retrieval:

An egg retrieval typically takes place under some form of sedation, so you will not feel any pain. A needle is attached to an internal ultrasound probe, which is inserted into the vagina. The doctor uses the ultrasound to see the ovaries and locate the ovarian follicles. The needle punctures each follicle, and a gentle suction is applied to remove the egg and fluid within the follicle. An embryologist then evaluates the fluid and finds the egg. Sperm and eggs are placed together to allow fertilization to occur.

I am hoping for at least 10 good eggs. The whole process usually take about 30 mins! Scary but necessary to have a baby!

Lots of Good Eggs!

Today I went in for an ultrasound to see how my eggs are coming along.  They look great! I have a bunch of good sized follicles in both my ovaries and especially my right one.  Also my uterine stripe is very visible. The Dr. said that it was a very good indication that I could get pregnant. I go back again tomorrow to see what one more day of stimulation does for my follicles.  I am hoping I get to HCG trigger soon but I am going to be patient to make sure I get the most perfect sized eggs.  I am so excited I can hardly handle it! I am just feeling to so good about things! 

Things are Good!

Today as I was driving home enjoying the warm sunshine and seeing the beautiful world around me for the first time in a long time. I just had the most content and peaceful feeling. I found myself  thinking I just feel so good about my life, my IVF cycle, and all things in my life.  Things are just good.  I don't know what it is but I am happy, feeling good, and thinking things just might go my way.  I am even not dreading my shots every night. They hardly even hurt these day. Maybe I am just so used to shots now I don't really notice them.  Whatever it is I hope it sticks around.  I am just feeling like all is right in my world! 

All Ready to Go!

I had another ultrasound on Tuesday and my ovaries are finally doing what they are suppose to. 

Nothing.  So I have been given the green light to start my FSH drugs on Monday!  That means 3 shots in the tummy every day! Not fun but I am so excited to finally get going. I feel like I have been put on hold forever. Even though things haven't gone the way I expected..... I am really feeling so good about this cycle.  I just think that maybe the time it is right and this will all work out! 

Starting Lupron Again!

I started my Lupron shots again last night! I am excited I got the clear to start again. But who know if my body will respond that way it is suppose to! For now, I am going to be positive. I just have a good feeling about this! 

Complaining Parents

I don't know if it's spring fever or that fact that we keep getting snow but all I have heard from people lately are complaints about their kids. It makes me so upset!!! Do you know how lucky you are to have a child or children to complain about???? Do you know how I lay awake at night longing to be woken up by the sound of a crying baby?? Do you know how much it would make me smile to see crayon all over my perfect walls?? Do you know how bad I want to Windex off little finger prints from my windows?? So why all you parents out there complain about each crazy thing your child does..... Remember me the one that aches to have those tasks that you all get to do each and every day. Remember how lucky you are to have a child to hold in your arms. Remember when your child acts up and is complaining about what to wear, what to eat, and when they have to go to bed that I would trade you places in a heart beat.

Know that your children are blessings from God and that you are the blessed ones to have them in your life. Because I know you wouldn't want to trade all those little annoyances for my empty arms. So enjoy each day. Enjoy each mess. Enjoy those beautiful children that I so desperately want.

Starting Over

Well today at my ultrasound appointment they discovered that my cyst on my left ovary has gotten much bigger....it as big as a good sized apple. I also now have a cyst on my right ovary. So we can't start my cycle. They are worried that because my left cyst is so big it might flip and cut of bloods supply to my ovary which would make it die. That would be one more strike against getting pregnant. Lovely! So I am going back on birth control in the hopes it will shrink my cysts. If not I will have to have surgery to drain them. Fun Fun. This means I have to start all over. I go back on the 23th for another ultrasound to see how I am responding to the birth control. If they shrink I will be able to start my cycle all over again. For now it will delayed at least a month!

How do I feel about this....I guess deep down I knew that my cyst was still there. I didn't think I would have two giant ones. But what can you do??? As we were leaving the clinic I was complaining to my honey that I had it all planned. I wrote it down!!! He told me that he knows I like to have time frames and plans. But think of this as just one more step in the right direction and that will make sure I am perfect for my new cycle. I guess he is right. I don't want to go into a new cycle with any problems. However, I am a little disappointed and feel like a defect once again!

For now though I am going to have faith the what is suppose to happen will happen.

Hopefully what is suppose to happen will bring me a baby!

Update

I had my ultrasound on Monday and I have a couple of problems....but when haven't I had problems??  The first one is I have a HUGE cyst on my left ovary. It is completely squishing my left ovary you couldn't even see it on the screen.  Crazy! I am not too worried about this or shocked. The night before I told my honey that I know I have cyst I can feel it! Plus my first IVF cycle I had one on my right side.  So nothing new or scary.  My second problem is that I have a mature egg in my right ovary.  Lets just say my ovaries are struggling! It measured a size 14 ready to harvest! 

They are more concerned about this egg seeing how I have been on Lupron for a week.  This is not suppose to be happening.  So the plan is to stay on Lupron for another week and have another ultrasound on Monday.  Hopefully my cyst will be gone and the egg will be shrinking with the Lupron.  If this is the case I will start my egg simulating meds on Monday as scheduled.  If not they will just have to hold off and see what happens.  Either way I am not worried or freaked out. 

I am surprised that I am not stressing out about this. My old self would panic and be distraught over the results of my ultrasound. But I have been through this all before and am ready for whatever happens. I think what needs to happen will and I will be okay. I just want everything to perfect for my cycle and my Dr. won't let me start unless it is. That makes me feel good! 

Hoping I have good new Monday! 

Lupron Shots!

I started my Lupron shots this week.  They aren't so bad.  Just one little shot in my tummy every night.  I make my honey do it cause I just can't!  Thanks goodness he isn't a wimp!   What Lupron does it put you into a mini menopause. They want to make sure my ovaries are nice and quiet before they give me the hormones to produce eggs.  The really fun side affect of Lupron....yep you guessed it more headaches!  

Other than the headaches I am doing well. I have my good and bad days.  I go from being excited to extremely terrified.  I just hope it works out this time.  I just don't know how to deal if I have another miscarriage. 

Hormones,Headaches, & Progesterone

I am almost two weeks into my birth control and I am dying. The hormone change has been giving me intense migraines. I am having at least 2-3 a week. I finally broke down and called the clinic to complain. Also to discuss when exactly I have to give up all my migraine medicine and diet coke! Two things I never leave home without! I actually got some good news.  They are going to let me stay on my migraine medicine up until my transfer. I however am going to start to wean myself off it and diet coke at the the same time.  They are also going to switch my birth control to a progesterone based one instead of a estrogen based one.  Thanks heavens!!! Progesterone is so much better!! So hopefully my migraines will start to get better with the change.  

Migraines and Test Results

I heard back from the fertility clinic today about my 12 vials of blood.  And surprise surprise there is nothing wrong.  When I got the news I must admit I didn't feel any sense of relief. I actually was upset. I don't know if it was because I had yet another migraine today or if there is nothing wrong with me than maybe this round of IVF won't work either.  Maybe the problem is just me. No strange disease. No crazy genetic thing.  Maybe it is just like my migraines I have them and no on can tell me why. Every test comes out normal.  There are no answers.  

So today was an emotional day of just wishing someone could find something wrong with me. 

At least I would have an answer. 

Round Three Here We Go!

After a lot of soul searching and finally making up my mind I have officially started my 3 IVF cycle!  Can you all believe it??? Did you ever think it would happen?? 

Well I did call the Dr. and he had 12 yes 12 vials of my blood drawn and I am just waiting for the results to come back. I am trying to be fearless and not think about what they are looking for! However, I must admit that I am really excited and do feel at peace with my decision to try again.  Right now I am just on the birth control...for all you that don't know about IVF cycles they have you go on birth control for at least 3 weeks before you start the  egg stimulation meds.  They want to be able to completely control your ovaries! Fun fun fun!  

So far the birth control is making my headaches worse! And it's making me a little more emotional. But what can you do??

Today I talked to my nurse and got my IVF calendar!  So I will keep you all posted of my appointments,  test results and so on!  

Stay Tuned!

Migraines

I don't think that I have mentioned in any of my previous post but I suffer from migraines. Horrible migraines. They put me flat in bed. No light, sounds, smells, food, or water for me for at least 12 hours.  Anyway, I had one today. I am finally feeling better now.  But the whole time that I am laying there in bed wishing I could just cut my head off.  I wonder how in the world could I have a baby when my head hurts this bad? How  could I take care of a screaming baby when I can hardly lift my head up? These migraines aren't just once every few months. I get at least 2 nasty ones a month.  I have seen several doctors that all tell me the same things. You are a women that is why you have them. Oh really am I a women??? Thank you for sharing that tidbit with me!  I am so glad your 7 years of medical school paid off for you jerk! My 3 year old nephew could have told me that.  Or my favorite one of all, just get pregnant they will go away! Well, if I could get freaking pregnant that might be a nice 9 month fix. What about when I am no longer pregnant? I just get so frustrated laying in bed dying...wondering if I am ever going to get over these migraines.  

If anyone knows any great cures I am all ears!